La vie de Coral

2007-09-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

I almost knew from start that I would not be going to continue writing in here. it was a sort of practice for writing section of TOEFL, but I really have no time for it.

Anyway, I am not going to write. At least not here. And at least for a while.

There are things that I miss writing about, but here, seems no appropriate, and now, it does not fit.

Let's take a nap

and wake up

may god fix the whole mess.... more easily.

2007-08-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I am talking to someone on the phone,
her/his bf/gf calls her/his cell and she/he says she/he will call back in 5 minutes.

Tell me,
How'd you feel?

2007-08-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

I had LASEK surgery on my eyes ten days ago and I was banned from working with computer. I’ve passed a truly dull week, being able to do nothing, as long as nearly everything that one can do is involved with the eyes.
Fortunately it is over now and my vision has improved.

I don’t know about the history of eye surgery, but I guess that it has not yet been comprehensively examined. So I think it’s a big risk that one takes, but it’s really worth it.

Living in darkness for a few days, staying at home with nothing to do, the whole experience taught me to be grateful to my power of vision.

...

Today I read the short story “The lady with a dog” by Chekhov.
Chekhov was my favorite writer ten years ago and today, after a long time, I was mesmerized by the melancholic atmosphere of the stories of Chekhov again.

2007-07-19T15:02:00.001-07:00

Tonight the show named "baaz ham zendegi" belonged to the people in wheelchairs.

There were some excellent points cleared on the show :

1- physical disability is not something that belongs only to a few people. It is general, it could be me or you, 5 minutes later, who knows?

2- people with disabilities do not need pity, they need facilities.

It's sad but true. I was wondering that if human being was born with no legs from the start, wouldn't have the world advanced to the degree that it has today?

I am sure that it would have. I mean that legs have nothing to do with promotions, hadn't we owed these legs, we would have developped the same world as today, but maybe with no stairs, or with great facilities or extremely advanced technology on elevators and walkers and wheelchairs everywhere.

Yes it could be me or you, wish I had a lot of money or influence, wish I could do something to improve their situation...

2007-07-17T07:19:00.001-07:00

There is a taxi driver on my way to university whom I meet every other day. He is just another example of my "first glimpse, final conclusion!" theory ;)

He's about 42 years old, with a hair style as a beatle, does not dress as someone in 70s, but looks like them! well, he was the kind of person whom I happened to like at very first rencontre.

Later we happened to have an argue once. He chose a different route to the square, bringing me into trouble going to uni, "why did you change the route? " I complained, "You should have told me earlier where you would going to descend." he justified. I was fairly angry, because not only he had done what no other taxi driver did, but also he was too obdurate to accept that he should have not changed the route without informing the passengers.

About 20 days ago, when the news on restraining gas sale was published, going to university, I reluctantly sat in his taxi to reach uni. There he was angry, arguing another passenger who was a lad at the age of 23 or more, who used quite equivocal statements about the gas news, confusing everyone! The taxi driver and I, were angry at him, and did criticize his assertions together furiously.

From that time on, I've liked him as I did first. He is kind of anomaly! in taxi drivers community. Educated from university, he is god damn bookish, and is so much like any of us, enchanting his passengers with Queen, Eagle, etc. in his car.

Today I was wondering...yes ...you can be a taxi driver...you can be in love with your wife and daughter.... and You can still listen to Queen in your car in this country of this "lovely" president.

Yes. No matter where you live, how old you are, if you're starving, or dying,

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

2007-07-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Searching for the words such as "GRE" and "toefl" , I fount this very interesting blog : admission source.

I've found it so useful and eclectic, besides being updated almost frequently.

2007-07-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

God Knows How I adore Life....!

God Knows How I adore Life....!

God Knows! :D

2007-07-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

The most terrible fact about practicing for GRE is that, no matter how many words you memorize per day, there are still a thousands more left, it's like subtracting an integer from infinity.

I wonder if practicing is only a futile attempt to gain a good score in GRE verbal section Or am I just grossly underestimating my abilities ?

Dis donc, je suis un peu inquiet :)

2007-07-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am a little bit "kalaafe" these days. I am done with the exams but I have got a lot of homeworks to deliver. However, this is not the problem.

This feeling of "kalaafegi" is present everywhere and all the time. I don't know how to explain it. I am ok when I am programming or reading books. But as soon as there comes an interrupt, the feeling suddenly attacks again.

I had promised to little marjoon that everything was going to be perfect as soon as the exams were over, but the truth is that everything is going more complicated and she is gonna face a terrible year, this year.

I've been reading the book Funny in Farsi by Firoozeh Dumas, which is "A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America" . The book is funny and interesting enough to follow nonstop. Living with parents in USA has its own problems as living with them in Iran and living without them is yet another confusion.

Today, A. told me that I am just running away from my family by leaving abroad. He said I can fight to gain more freedom here. But I said that I can't bear hurting my mother with even a single word against her will. "But you'll hurt her so deep by leaving her, the only difference is that you'll not see her hurt that way" he answered.

I know it's true that my departure will upset maman. But at the same time, she is one of the people who is urging me to do my best to leave. What I am running from, is not my family, is the government, is Police, is the bigoted people, is the discriminations against women.

It is true that there are a lot of people walking in streets, shopping, eating and enjoying their time, but I can no longer be allured by living a life of luxury while there is a lot of dirt lying beneath. Buying expensive clothes and eating in expensive restaurants and going out with friends no longer satisfies me.

I hate going out with a god damn scarf, I hate meeting guys who think are the most perfect creatures of the world and call me a "zaeefe" , I hate sitting in car when the driver insults the female drivers all the time, I hate professors that either are ready to f u right away in their office because they have married their wife with no love, but tradition, or they just won't look me in the eye because they are one of those crazy religious bigots. Yes I hate. I hate to get married in a country that I should deliver an evidence of virginity to my mother-in-law , or my my mother-in-law is gonna kiss my mouth to see if it stinks or not. Damn you. God damn you people.

If my parents are worried about me, if they ban me from going out late, if they check out on me all the time, it is not because they are affected by prejudice, it is just because they wanna save me against these people, this dirty society, bigots and the Police. If I was a mother here, I would do the same to my daughter too, in a city that the Police are criminals themselves, how one can trust to let her daughter go out alone?

Yes. A. was right repeating : I wont let this happen to my children...

2007-07-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

Is living equal to waiting?

How long?

Waiting for what we never get.

We're always waiting...always...with no gain....

2007-07-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

I am trying to keep myself busy, not to find any time for despair. I am only a few steps from this little goal. I should concentrate and keep on my good work.

Sometimes I am worried. Just the way shiva has said in this post, afraid to fail and not reach this little goal, the other times, I wonder how it'd be like being left alone in a foreign country and then I panic, I wonder what if it drives me crazy and leaves no way to run away...

The biggest problem is that I want both together, Family & living abroad. Since I believe in no geographical border, it doesn't matter for me Iran or elsewhere, I just wanna live in security, in a country whose goverment does not interfere in people's private lives, in a country in which a woman is not stereotyped as a drudge.

I am waiting impatiently.

2007-06-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am out of energy. Life is going on with no hope. I am no longer eager to leave Iran.

I've always been like this. Whenever I insisted on getting something, and it took longer than I had expected, I would sulk, and neither ask for it any longer and nor would accept it if provided.

I am still the same. When I say I want something or I wanna do something, it means right away, not even a minute later. Because I change my mind so easily, that's what everybody knows. I hate long term decisions, long term goals.

What are we really living for?
God knows.

2007-06-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

The final exams are over now! The saddest moment arrives when you feel the sour feeling of ''emptiness" after you have completed a process and reached to the point you had been waiting for so long, and you suddenly wonder : "so what? "

But it was last night that it happened, now it is tonight! and I am feeling a lot better, cause I see that I still have a lot of god damn things to do, course projects are still remaining and some research on some goddamn subjects, willing to fill my resume, to gain two wings to fly.

All we need is some gas! gas to live! petrol to breathe! gas to light a fire!

2007-06-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Wish I could stay 20 forever!
I really wish.

I searched this phrase which is my biggest wish on internet, and this is a part of one of the results :

"My wish wasn't so much that I would stay 20 forever or that time would just stop, and we would end up in some time-space continuum (although I'd like to go back in time to grade school with what I know now). It was more of a hope of not becoming like a lot of the adults I had seen."

Oh god, it is so amazing and so sad at the same time to see that there are a lot of weblogs which have already written this phrase and now...now...probably none of the authors are 20 any longer...

But I wanna stay 20 :((

2007-06-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today I passed the interview for entering intermediate levels of French class, but not in a truly perfect manner!

I had studied NOTHING for the interview, and I could not answer bien! she was going to fail me ! but as toujours! I began laughing instead of getting panicked! and began making her laugh too, so she was so embarrassed to fail me! and she repeated again and again : "hey, now you tell me what shall I do with you? beaucoup de mistakes! with an awful exam grade!"

But she really didnt like to fail me!

And I talked and talked and talked and told her : "loook how intelligent I am and how fluently I talk! ? "

She just could not stop laughing so she yielded at last and accepted me conditionally! :> :)

ps. I bet this is not the first challenge in life that I've won in life with eloquence, nor it will be the last!
By the way : Back home, talking to Tistoo , I realized that she had been accepted conditionally too! :D So there is not much to regret!

2007-06-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

It's not easy, not easy at all, to be studying and not to be studying at the same time!

But I am happy!

Happy that it's gonna be over,

Just 5 days to relief!

2007-06-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

To you dear friend who are visiting this blog, for the first time by chance :

There has been several reasons that I've not yet let you know about the existence of this blog, :)

Sooner or later, I would have let you know if you hadn't even discovered here on your own!

Anyway! I'm happy that you're reading here now :)

2007-06-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

Influenced by the story of "Madaare-e-Sefr Darajeh" :

I can not even imagine how horrible could have been such a condition to be in, I mean, to be an Iranian bachelor,
in love with a Parisian jew girl, while Germans have defeated Paris, he must return to Iran and leave Sara, at the same time he is informed that Gestapo has decided to identify and arrest the jews living in Paris in spite of their promise to general petain.

ps. Dear Coral! Calm Down! it's just a movie!

2007-06-18T09:56:00.001-07:00

The earthquake that happened this afternoon, reminded me the earthquake of June, 2004 , when I was going to have university entrance exam in less than a month after.

I remember that my friend S. and I were so happy about it, because we thought that it would be a really interesting experience of life!!!

We thought either we'd die or we'd stay alive and watch what happens! We knew that it was a crazy idea but we were so overwhelmed by the stress of a year of studying for entrance exam and tolerating all those pressures that we preferred earthquake to continuing life that way!

But today...I felt that I didn't like the earthquake to happen at all, I am full of energy for life and I neither wanna die, nor wanna lose all I've planned to gain... :)

2007-06-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hmm.... Maybe I am now ready to confirm this theory of mine :

"I never mistake about people! "

Or something like this one :

"I come to the very final conclusion about people at the very first glance"

It means...If I am interested in someone at the very first glance, or liked him/her at the first moment, it is the exact reality about him/her. Even if I change my mind time to time, the sound final truth is that I like him/her.

2007-06-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I was walking inside the apartment when I saw two sparrows easilily moving on the ground, they were so lovely ( They didnt need to be so lovely since I am crazy about any kind of birds ) I bent down and picked them up one by one, I were gazing into their eyes deeply, but I woke up.

It was 2 a.m. and I was feeling really good after this dream.

Wish I had two little chickens at home :(

2007-06-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Today I was reviewing my bookmarks when I faced Mahasti Shahrokhi’s weblog again. It made me remember her book "Shaali be deraazaaye jaddeye abrisham" .
I love that book. It is one of my most favorites.
When I read it, I searched the web and faced a lot of reviews. I don’t call them reviews, let me say some naive critics, had criticized the book chauvinistically.
They are not critics, they are simply some male chauvinist bloggers. Not only have they no understanding of a woman’s feelings, but also they are simply jealous of women’s success.
Mahasti Shahrokhi who lives in France, had later had an interview in which she had said that the Iranian book publisher had published the book without her permission. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to sue some publisher for copy right issues inside Iran. Anyway, I am really sorry that I was one of those who bought the book, though I didn’t know about it back then.
The worse news was that the publisher had omitted a part from the story to gain the agreement of Culture Ministry to publish the book.
No matter what they have done, or what the critics said. I read the book a thousand times.

2007-06-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've got two exams tomorrow. But tomorrow at this hour, the both will have been done. So there's no reason to be panicked!

I usually relieve my stress by this model of theorizing different matters of life!

2007-06-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I were always trying to learn, was to be indifferent to what others say or do, in relation to me.

But I learnt that it was not something to be learnt!, it is just a sort of condition that has grown inside me gradually, the way that I can't even find out how, or since when.

I'm feeling good about it, but literally I don't know if it's good in the sense of manners or not.

2007-06-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

I've just watched the 8th part of the TV serial "Madaar-e-Sefr-Daraje" whose story is about an Iranian bachelor who is studying in Paris, fallen in love with a parisian classmate who is a jew at the time that German army has defeated France.
I have always loved the movies and stories or any piece of arts which belongs to the period of the second world war, and on the other hand, the really admiring structure of this serial, has attracted me.
Tonight, there was a master scene, showing the jew professor playing harshly the violin as the German soldiers were marching in to streets of Paris.
The dialogues are brilliant too, dialogues of love, philosophy and politics, chosen with perfect consideration.